We left the midwife's at 5:30 pm and went to my parents house to pick up the girls. We hung out with my parents and my aunt who was visiting and then decided to go home and get some rest. Once the girls had layed down I had Jared run and get me something to eat. He left around 10pm and I started seeing my stomach do this odd tightening thing. I decided to time them and they were timeable but did not hurt one bit...just sort of felt like I was being squeezed. I called my mom and after talking decided to lay down for a couple minutes and see if they go away before I call my midwife. At 10:45 pm they were still coming every 2-3 minutes but with no pain. I called the midwife and we both agreed to try and sleep. I went to sleep immediately and at 11pm I felt a snap inside. Even though no water gushed out I knew what that meant. I had it happen before with my oldest. I went to the toilet and of course...my water broke.
I had a slight freak out, but thought I had plenty of time to worry about. I started calling everyone and told my midwife Id let her know when the contractions got bad enough I needed her. Jared and I went downstairs, and my aunt and mother were the first to arrive. My aunt decided to time my contractions (it was now 11:45) and they were coming every 2 minutes lasting almost a minute and starting to hurt. I started getting angry thinking it wasn't right...they shouldn't be this close together. Jared started scrambling to get the birth tub filled and at midnightish we decided to ask the midwives to come. At this point I was having to lean on Jared for support during each contraction. I was getting really upset that they hurt THIS bad already and I was not getting one break. I started to wonder if I was wimp because I knew I had at least 5 more hours to go.
A little after 1am on New Years Eve everyone had arrived and my midwife suggest I get into the pool. At this point the contractions really, really hurt. I jumped into the pool and felt the need to hold myself up on all fours. It was the only way I could cope. I had also started feeling like the world was coming to and end they were THAT bad. My midwife asked to check me and I was at an 8cm dilated. It had been suggested to get out of the pool and try relaxing laying down. I regretted it because the moment I got out of the pool it only got worse which I did not think was possible. I layed on the ground with a fan in my face just wishing it would be over. It felt like an eternity but looking back it was actually quite fast. I started feeling pushy and asked people to help me get into the pool.
At this point I decided to surrender to the pain. My lovely doula had some soft music playing in the background and just kept telling me I was doing a great job...it was all I needed. Jared got back in the tub with me and I rested up against his body and knew that any minute I would be pushing. I was so scared of pushing for some reason but at this point I knew if I didnt push I would be stuck dealing with the horrible contractions. Suddenly, I didnt have a choice because I felt her body (super weird feeling) drop down and the head was fighting to come out. I dont know what other nice way to put this but honestly pushing felt like my asshole was going to explode...no joke. It was SUCH a high amount of pain that I couldnt even scream. I remember my midwife's assistant told me that I almost got her out with the first push and I knew I could not relive that pain. So with the second push I pushed her all the way out.
As horrible as it was, it was beautiful at the same time. My contractions were gone and the pain was over...now my baby was here. She was placed on my chest and made the sweetest sounds. Born at 2:23am on New Years Eve. I didn't know it at the time but I truly believed I had been in labor for 5-6 hours and could not believe it had only been 3 hours since my water broke. I birthed the placenta with the help of my midwife because I was so exhausted and then had help to move to the couch to be checked out. I couldnt believe I was walking and not only that I did not tear at all with my biggest baby! With my other girls walking was something I couldn't accomplish for a couple days, especially Violet. I wont lie, my anxiety was through the roof. The biggest worry I had with home birthing was something happening afterwards. I kind of laid on the couch in shock for about 30 minutes because I couldn't believe I just birthed my baby in the dining room. It is hard to accept after two very medical births (last being a cesarean) that you can BE okay birthing at home...but after waiting 30 minutes I realized nothing horrible was going to happen and felt at peace. With my anxiety I knew I would feel this way but accepted it and moved on.
My midwife's assistant helped me get upstairs to rest and recover and slowly people started to leave. I felt so amazing and wonderful. I got the birth I wanted..my final birth was EXACTLY as I wanted. It was never about wanting to birth at home because I felt it was right...it was that with my other girls I always felt I was missing an experience that I could not have anywhere BUT my home. My husband was so amazing and supportive throughout the whole process, and all night I kept looking over at him and baby SO in love. Our older girls stayed at nana & papa's house and we got some sleep with our new little Holiday baby.
So much thanks to my Midwife Laura Hamilton and her asst. Shannon.
To my doula Holly Reed from "Belly to Breast"
To my birth photographer Mandi McDougall Photography
To my mother & aunt Jami
and last but most important...my husband
Born New Years Eve at 2:23am
Weighing 8lbs 7oz and 21 inches long