June 30, 2010

Engaged!


Multnomah Falls




Today was such a beautiful day. Jared, Sophie, and I went to Multnomah Falls and hiked a 3 mile trail. I could tell Sophie enjoyed it as she always loves being outside. I was very upset in the beginning of the hike because there was a young boy being harassed by his father. The father was calling his son a fat cow and a slow poke because he could not hike as fast as him. It broke my heart to see this poor, insecure boy be treated as such...
Other than that; life has been pretty amazing for me and my family. I got a "C" in my computers class which was amazing considering I was sure I was going to flunk. I am now in Math and trying to not get math anxiety. lol. ...
Sophie is turning "1" in eight days and it makes me reminsce of when she was born. I will always consider her my little baby even when she is thirty. She is starting to stand by herself which means walking comes next!


June 26, 2010

Another Day...

Today has been like any other day.. normal. It is nice sometimes to have normalcy in your life. It brings a sense of calm and makes you feel as though things are going the right way. In my life I can only hope for a couple things... happiness and family. I believe happiness is the key to most anything you may achieve. Yet finding true happiness can be hard for some. I know I have had my days where I simply can not find the happiness in which I want to achieve. Family is another thing I look forward to. I find happiness in my family so I guess that makes it a double hitter. I sometimes make up lists within my head. These lists are the way I keep myself sain. One such a list I am currently thinking of is a wish list. This list is comprised of things I want but probably only half of the things will actually happen:

1.) Finish Medical Assistant Program
2.) Watch my daughter blossom into an even more wonderful person
3.) Accomplish getting into a diagnostic sonographer program
4.) Become an Ultrasound Tech
5.) Move into our new house
6.) Get married
7.) Have another baby (after school)

June 22, 2010

Orientation :(

Today I endured eight long hours of orientation listening to things I already knew. I realize that may make me sound a little full of myself, but how many times can you hear about proper hand washing? On a good note, I am so happy to be back at work. It is nice to hear words other than crys as much as I love my daughter. It is good to feel useful again and feel like I am contributing to our littel family.

Speaking of which...

Jared and I had a good talk last night. We both discussed marriage and agreed it was not far off but that I was not allowed to know the exact date.. All I can say is we will see..

June 21, 2010

Cursed

So my previous post was all about positive thinking. Today that did not happen. I know I shouldn't exactly post private things on here but I am pretty sure barely any one is following so here goes. I think I am cursed. In fact I am sure of it. Cursed how you ask? My whole life I have only wanted two things. To get married and start a family. Obviously things went a little backwards but now I am ready... and he is not. It hurts so bad because one minute he is ready to get married and the next he is'nt! It is so confusing and heart breaking. It is so hard to walk into my garage and see my beautiful wedding dress just hanging there. All the magic it once held. I rememeber thinking how beautiful it was when I ordered it and all I wanted was to walk down that isle and have Jared see me in it. I am starting to doubt that will ever happen. What is it with some guys? What is so scary about marriage? I honestly, truely love him so much. As most of you know... I was supposed to be married on March 21st, 2010. So it is not like a big secret. I had everything planned. A beautiful winter wedding in Leavenworth, wa. Red roses and floating candles in a cabin set in the woods. GORGEOUS! Three weeks before the wedding.. he isn't ready. I know most of you are thinking (Leave him), but it is much more than that. If you are ready to say I do to someone than you can not just toss them at the throw of a hat. So here I am waiting. Waiting for the day he says he is ready to marry me. Until now.. I am cursed

June 20, 2010

Your Day Is What You Make It

I wrote this blog title not because I am a firm believer of it but that I wish did. I wish I had the patience to make each and every one of my days amazing and worthwhile. I am one of those people who wears everyone's emotions on their sleeves. If someone is feeling sad, I feel sad, etc. I know this is a bad quality. It is an even worse quality with the economy the way it is. It has taken a toll on my spirit and has slowly drug me down into the depths of depression. Yet, I know I am the one responsible for pulling myself out of it. I can make my day how I want it to be. I am the one in charge of my feelings. So, (with that mind) I am going to start practicing what I preach. I think I will make a list of things that bother me and start to make happiness appear out of them:

1.) Fighting with loved ones
2.) Crappy jobs
3.) People who are unkind/unfriendly to me

These three things but the crap out of me on a daily basis. I want to be happy and push these things of my shoulder. I can not change the job I have until I am done with school. I can not change how people feel about me. If they do not want me in their lives than I cna not fight it. Lastly, fighting with loved ones. I hate when everyone is stressed out and starts bickering. I will try to de-stress.

Well lets hope this works..

June 18, 2010

A day in the life of a hypochondriac

For those of you that know me, you know I tend to be a bit of a hypochondriac. I get these tendacies to "Over Worry" about my health. I do not exactly know where this started. It could have started when I was ten and all I wanted to read was my mothers, "A-Z Health Concerns", book. lol I find this ironic that now the profession I am entering into is the medical area. I am currently working towards my medical assisting degree and after that will be working on my Bachelors in Diagnositc sonographer medicine. Is it ok for a hypochondric to be working in the medical area? I have yet decided if this could be a problem for me. The more I leanr about diseases the more diseases I think I have. For example: the other day I thought I had Aids. I didn't think this because I sleep around or use drugs. No, I thought this because I researched severe sore throat. A list of possible diseases popped up and Aids was one of them. It stated.. "Aids symptoms can go unnoticed for years and then suddenly you can feel like you have the flu..". Instead of thinking "Maybe I have the flu", I started hyperventilating thinking I had Aids. I immediately started looking through my records to check and make sure my last blood test didn't say I had aids. (You think I would rememeber if my last blood test came up positive for Aids). I couldn't find my blood results anywhere so I called my mom. I told her I thought I had Aids and she started laughing. She then asked why I thought I had Aids and I explained the sore throat issue. She told me I was being ridiculous as usual and should try a cough drop..... it worked. .....To make a longer story shorted I don't have Aids. I didn't even have the flu, just a sore throat.