January 28, 2011

It has been so long..

...since I have been on here. I have been so busy lately with wedding stuff, A&P, Sophie, and my internship. I have so many things I need to get done and so little time. It has been a long week of sleepless nights and lists on random pieces of paper. Truthfully, I never wanted it to be like this. I wanted to have a small wedding where I wouldnt have to deal with hustling people into telling me their R.S.V.P. I wanted to have something intimate with Jared that we would remember forever. Yet, the reason I love Jared, is I respect his decisions and this wedding was one of them. So I will continue with the sleepless night and long lists on paper until February 19th and then I am done. I am going to go on my honeymoon and thank the stars that I no longer have to deal with overbearing, inconsiderate, weddding crap. As for my school I only have 3 days left on A&P and I just hope so badly that I get a bomb grade on my final. Will tell all. :)

January 25, 2011

I totally recommend this!


Usually workouts (I have found) that involve focus on the abs make me feel as if it didn't do much. I found this workout and it makes my ab's feel super sore which means it is working. It promises a 6 pack in 6 weeks...lol...we will see

January 24, 2011

Good to be home

It was an ok mini vacation but I missed Sophie and home like crazy. There is a certain peace about home and being around the people you love. As the wedding draws nearer I feel a certain calm wash over me. I honestly just want it to be over. I am so happy I will finally be Mrs. Swehosky. I am also happy and grateful for the people around me.

January 21, 2011

There a couple people...

...who won't be attending my wedding as they are in heaven. I had always hoped someday when I got married that Grandpa Kip and I would be able to dance at my wedding. I remember him taking us all to the roller skating rink and we would dance out there to "Summer Wind", by Frank Sinatra. If your up there Grandpa..we will play that song for you. I will also be missing my Nana...she made awesome cookies and taught me how to knit. Even though they can't be at my wedding, I know they will be watching up from heaven.

January 20, 2011

Anatomy & Physiology...

...is hard!
But I still have a B and 2 weeks left to hopefully accomplish my A

Things have definitely been getting a little boring over here. There is only so many forts, snacks, and stories I can read before Sophie and I are aware of our boredom. I know most of my family and friends will be shocked to hear this but....I miss summer! I miss being able to take Sophie outside without fear of her becoming totally covered in mud or catching a cold. I want to go to the lake or go camping. Now last year was a funny experience. My family and I went camping and it was Sophie's very first time camping ever. It was miserable. All I have to say is that I am thankful we only lived 30 minutes away from our home. She refused to sleep in a tent. She screamed bloody murder until we took her home. It was a nightmare. Funny enough, I am willing to give it another shot this year. Speaking of Sophie she is getting SO big. She knows so many words and uses them 24/7. Jared and I are getting a little sad knowing that she is becoming a big girl and no longer "Our Baby".

January 19, 2011

*Maybe we should stop pretending*

I really need to get out a few things that have been on my mind and maybe it will help me find some peace with it. In a month I will be marrying my best friend. I am excited because I see my parents who have been married 23 years and I know marriage is nothing but beautiful. It has its ups and downs but for the most part it is beautiful. Jared and I like everyone else in the world has come from some pretty hard situations. Lets start from the beginning. On august 30th, 2008 I met Jared. He was goofy, funny, cute, and outgoing. We were young and fell quickly. We started saying "I Love You" after 3 weeks of knowing each other. It was young love. We made a stupid decision to have a baby. Even looking back on this we are not quite sure why we thought we would be able to do this. Sadly after only a couple weeks of finding we were pregnant we discovered that we lost the baby. It was the saddest day of my and Jareds life. While sitting in the E.R. being told the horrific news it almost seemed like "Playing House" was coming to an end. After a couple days of being quite we both knew that thhe losss needed to be filled. For those who have ever lost a baby you know what I mean. We knew we were young and barely knew each other but needed to have that feeling again. When we found out we were pregnant with Sophie it was the happiest and scariest day of my life. All I could think of was losing this baby as well. A month or two later Jared and I realized just how much we would pay for OUR selfishness. We couldn't afford rent and had debt up to our knees. We had nowhere to live and knew the only place we could go was Washington. My parents had a huge house and were willing to help us out. We will always feel such an amazing thankfullness towards them. It was hard having to admit to my parents that we failed and moving back to the City I hated. Jared and I BOTH hated Washington. For almost a year we saved every penny we had. I was forced to stop working at about 5 months along due to the many complications I have. When Sophie was born we had managed to pay off EVERYTHING we owed. Within two months of Sophie's life we moved out on our own. Jared had an amazing job and so did I. WE lived in a gorgeous Town home that we were proud of. Oregon soon became smaller and smaller as we BOTH realized it was too much too afford. My mother graciously watches Sophie for us while we work. In december we decided it was finally a good time to get married. Sadly, with very little support from Jareds side, we decided it wasnt the time to get married. It was hard knowing that ALL of my friends and family took jared in like family and yet next to none of his even toke the time of day to get to know me. I will say that his family has been accepting though. We are coming upon our wedding day again and I can't help but feel I can no longer sit back and except things are. I will not continue to feel as if people think I forced Jared to move to Washington and that I forced Jared to get pregnant. He made his bed just as I did. If people have heard differently take into consideration that sometimes it is hard to be honest to people knowing they think you screwed your life up. That is just it though..we LOVE our life. We now have a 4 bedroom house and get to watch our daughter grow into the most beautiful person. I am not the kind of person that would marry someone if I had a shadow of a doubt in my mind they didnt love me. But, I know after everything we have been through the Jared is my best friend. He is someone I can count on to make me laugh even when we had nothing. I can remember when all we could do was eat Taco Bell as a date night and I was 7 months pregnant...but happy. I write this with tears in my eyes because I have never felt so relieved to say these things. I just hope people can learn to be accepting and move on. Maybe people would be honest about being happy if they didnt feel a constant pressure to be unhappy...

January 17, 2011

*1 month until our wedding*

Well its getting to be that time and I am freaking out!
There is so much to do before the big day and I have to wait until the very last minute to do everything. Just got done talking with the bartendar and am very pleased to say we will be having a no host bar at our wedding. I know alchohal makes weddings fun but I really do not want to pay for everyones booze, especially considering how much people might drink. So bring your cash if your thirsty ;) We have also decided to have a candy bar at our wedding in all our wedding colors (red, black, and white).  I am in the process of ordering cakes, flowers, etc and its driving me crazy . So Lets all hope I am still sane after this wedding...

January 13, 2011

A Time to Recount the Good Things

There is a time in everyones life where you just have to sit back and think about all the positive in your life. Sometimes things can be so difficult, and so overwhelming that it is too hard to not freak out. We as a people find ourselves stuck into a position in which we are hanging by a thread. Well, at least in our minds. I have been to this place and it is terrorizing. So many things have been running through my head and I just want to bolt. Anxiety starts to kick in and I immediately find I have the, "Fight or Flight", response. It has gotten to the point sometimes that even leaving the house can be too much. So today, I told myself I am going to make alist of all the happy and positive things I have going for me. I think sometimes people get so caught up in their misery that they forget how amazing they have it. Like the story goes..someone somewhere has it WAY worse. When I get down and sad I just remember the starving children in third world countries and suddenly feel selfish for even being sad. So here is my newly renovated positve list. This list is a constant reminder of all the reasons and needs of me staying sane.

Jessica's Positive Things

1.) I am encouraged by a smile
- Wether it be a stranger or a friend, a smile always seems to lift my spirits up.

2.) My daughter is a miracle
- This statement is true in so many ways. Not only is she a miracle for staying in my belly as long as she did (due to uterine isssues), but she is a miracle in every other reason. Her innocence is beautiful.

3.) Jared makes me laugh.
- I know this sounds corny, but Jared makes me laugh. This is the main reason I love him. No matter how I feel I still can be around him and feel the urge to let out a good laugh.

January 12, 2011

Google = No Sleep

So a couple weeks ago I discovered I got tendonitis from an injury at work. I thought I would google it..


BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER

Google is scary. I typed in my symptoms and got over 20 diseases, some that result in death. I know its my fault but I can not help it. The title of my blog was no joke. I literally have anxiety about anything. I am very in tune with my body so I notice any little symptom that appears. It is quite the burden. I am have a Dr. appt. tomorrow to check up on my tendonitis as it is not getting better. I am hoping to get everything cleared up and have my mind put to ease.

January 10, 2011

and I'm feeling good...

Doesn't everyone watch that new Jennifer Hudson commercial and immediately feel super sexy? Well I do lol

Life is regaining conciouseness in the Swehosky household and I feel as if I can finally breathe again. For those that might be aware of what happened....know that I am alright...better yet amazing. I have a way of looking on the bright side of everything even if it looks crappy momentarily. For those that are not aware please sway your mind from wondering as it wont do you any good. I am moving on and I do NOT wish to talk about it.

So... In 1 month and 1 day I will become Mrs. Swehosky. Let me tell you..it's been a long time comin. I am so excited and I can honestly say for BOTH of us that our fairy tale day will be appearing soon.  We have lots to look forward to. Next week we will be visiting Jared's brother who is getting ready to be deployed to Japan. I am looking forward to his mom's lasagna as it is honestly to die for. The following week Jared is going on his annual snowboard trip for his good friends birthdays and I know he is super stoked about that. The next couple weeks following will be spent hastingly preparing a wedding. After wedding day we are going to Leavenworth for some skiiing and etc. Than I start my internship for school and a whole new lifestyle change. It is going to be very exciting over here at the Swehosky family's household.

January 1, 2011

2011


This year is going to be so amazing. I have so many things to look forward to.

Sophie is starting to feel better and the antibiotics seem to be working better. Jared and I are going on a date tonight and I am very excited. It has been awhile since we have been able to have a date night without Sophie. Not that we do not love bein around Sophie 24/7 but it is always nice to have some alone time now and then. Well It is only 1 month and 19 days until I am Mrs. Swehosky. I am so super excited. A little nervous but excited :)