December 31, 2010

*Happy New Years Eve*

I am going to look back on this year and remember the good things about it!

1.) Starting my Medical Assistant Program

2.) Celebrating Sophie's 1st birthday

3.) Going to Seaside with the family

4.) Moving into our first house ever!

5.) Being blessed with amazing friends and family

6.) Watching Sophie grow older another year

7.) Jared and I's anniversary

8.) Our interesting Camping adventure lol

9.) Sophie's first time trick-or-treating

10.) An amazing Christmas :)

Looking forward to 2011 :)

December 29, 2010

There is something in the water

Today is a day like any other day with the exception its not. :)

Sophie and I are hanging out watching sprout. Thinking about working on my pink knit blanket. My mom was nice enough to get me some beautiful knitting needles and yarn and I have been making a baby blanket. Sophie was up all last night with coughing and weezing. We started her on her antibiotics and are hoping she starts to feel better. The weather says it should snow today...I sure hope so :)

December 28, 2010

Sinus Infection

Poor Sophie. She has not been eating all day and had a bad cough so we finally decided to take her to the After Hours Clinic. Turns out she has a sinus and throat infection. Dr. put her on some antibiotics. I do not like seeing her sick and she is generally a very healthy baby. I just had to rock her too sleep as she seemed soo miserable. Hope the humidifier will help her. Hate when there is nothing I can do as a parent but wait and hope they feel better.

On another note this rain has been making me angry as I want to go on a walk. With Sophie sick I can obviously not go, which means I am stuck in the house even onger than I want. This is what I dislike about my town. There are not too many indoor activity places you can take your child. I have been trying to convince Jared to move to Olympia so we could do more things. One thing we are thinking about doing anyways is Kindercare Musik Class. Its a music class that lasts about two months were babies can leanr some music skills.

Oh 2011 you can not come any faster :)

So many happy things await us

Its almost a New Year

Well I know lots of people like to make New Years resolutions so I believe I will do the same:

1.) Continue my work out regime and continue staying fit

2.) Eat more vegetables

3.) Take Sophie to a music class

4.) Get straight A's in my last 3 college classes

5.) Rock at my Externship

6.) Have a beautiful wedding

7.) Be healthy on all things that are important

December 23, 2010

Christmas is ALMOST here

I am having a wonderful day. I have all my christmas shopping done and I have lots to be thankful for. I apologize I havent been on here in awhile I just have a hard time thinking about what to say. So today I thought I would promote something.

ROBEEZ!

These shoes are so awesome and great for children that are just learning how to walk. Sophie has been using these since birth. the soles are so soft and gentle on their feet. Shoes with hard soles can affect your childs walking abilities. Robeez form to your childs feet

December 22, 2010

Being a young mother

I hate walking into a store and getting stares. I hate people looking at me and thinking I am 16 with a child. I know that I look young for my age (22) but I would really hope that people would stop and think. I made the decision to have a baby. No, it did not screw my life up. In fact, I will have my associates degree this summer and will be continuing right along with my bachelors in social services. All of my schooling will be done right at the time I will be 24. I only had to put school on hold for 1 year. I know plenty of people (without children) who do not have degrees at all and nobody looks at them funny. I have financial stability and a warm home. I have a loving fiance (soon-to-be-husband) who supports me and is also going to school. So what is so fucking wrong with being a young mother. I hate hearing people talk about how if they have kids they are going to wait until they are at least 30. GOOD FOR YOU! How I chose to raise my family is none of your business. I am not a slut, nor am I ruining my life. I am simply a young mother and loving it.

December 12, 2010

Rain, Rain, Go Away

...Let the snow come instead!

I love rain, but I definetly love the snow more. What happened to those awesome days we had back in November with all the snow?
Anyways,

Today should be a great day. We have the Santa Steam Train Ride and then a concert of some sorts in Olympia. It is supposed to be all Christmas music. I am very Christmasy so this is awesome for me. I will have to post pictures later of our day. The next two weekends should also be eventful for us. The next weekend we have our family Christmas parties. To start with we have my dads side of the family's Christmas party in Salem, Oregon and then the next day will be my moms side of the family's Christmas party. Then the next weekend is...CHRISTMAS!

December 10, 2010

So today we are...

....puting the payment for the wedding venue in. My parents are paying for the most gorgeous wedding venue I have ever seen. I can not believe in like 2 months I will be Mrs. Swehosky.

December 9, 2010

My Christmas List For Santa

1.) Diamond Earrings
2.) Knitting stuff
3.) Some good jeans
4.) A Good Jacket

....Just Sayin lol

December 8, 2010

All I Think About...

... is a baby brother/sister for Sophie. Lately it has been on my mind so much. I even have names picked out. I do not have a preference on gender as I would love my child either way. Though it would be nice to have boy as to balance out our family. NO, I am not pregnant, but I can not lie and say I do not want to be. I really do miss that feeling you share with a child in your womb and that feeling you get right after give birth. It is an immediate joy and love no one can explain.

UPDATE:
Sophie and I have ceased potty training. I do not believe she is ready and I fear pushing her will only make her more persistent to not be potty trained.

December 7, 2010

One of Sophie's Christmas Presents

Arent these adorable?
They are from www.seekairun.com

I feel so...

...Exhausted!

This potty training thing is killing me. It takes all my discipline not to put a huggies on her cute little butt and call it quits. I know I can do this, I just wish I could have like a sign that I am not wasting my energy for nothing! These are the days I am glad to have my mother nearby. She really does know everything lol. I can not wait until she comes back from Colorado from visiting my sister. Hopefully she put some peace to my maddness.

Besides Potty Training,

I am having a good morning. I am getting excited for Christmas. Christmas is my favorite holiday. I LOVE getting people presents and watching their faces as they open them.

December 6, 2010

Potty Training...and other such needs

So...Potty Training Sophie is like potty training a fly. The kids pee's standing up..yes I said it...Standing up. It is really hard to potty train someone when you can't even tell if they are peeing or not. lol I am constantly watching her butt for little dribbles. when I want to give up I remember that my mom did it. I also remember that potty training in other countries happens much younger than Sophie....So we can do it too!

I'll get back to you on that...lol

Now..for all you women out there. I found the solution to PMS!


I have been having severe PMS lately and I remembered something I took while pregnant with Sophie. This all natural supplement has many uses for women in all areas of their life. It can be used to soften the cervix which helps with labor (it worked for me). It can help with menopausal symptoms. Yet, (the important one) is that it helps with PMS. As someone who supports all natural healing this definitely helps with cramps and the crazziness we feel during and before our period. It is suggested to take one daily with water up until you ovulate than stop and start again when you start your period.

December 5, 2010

My new favorite song

There is something about a Christmas Tree...

...that brightens up your day!




Last night Jared, Sophie, and I put up the Christmas tree. My work was nice enough to give all the workers a free tree this year which was very delightful. We had a little system. Jared would put the hooks onto the ornaments, Sophie would pass them to me, and I would place them on the tree. We used all our christmas lights on our house so we will probably have to buy more for our tree. All in all it was enjoyable to watch Sophie get excited about putting up a Christmas tree. Speaking of which she is getting soooo big. We have not been to the Dr. in awhile but I can imagine she has gained some weight finally. One of our main problems in the past is that Sophie had a hard time putting on weight, so I am glad to see she is so happy and healthy.

Back to the Christmas Tree...

Afterwards I never realized how popular a Christmas tree can belol. My house is quite noisy today. the two cats have managed to swat 7 ornaments off the tree and Sophie keeps bringing me Christmas presents and getting upset when I explain to her that it is too early to open them....

These are the days I will remember.... :)

December 4, 2010

Sometimes...

... I want to divulge all my secret onto here, but then I realize this is not a diary this is a blog. People do not always use your information for the good and sometimes things are spread out into the world with negativity. So I will never name names nor will I make it obvious as to whom I may be talking about. Names are like a copyright...

Anyways:

To start out I am not having the greatest of days. I have been arguing all day with He who shall not be named lol, and I am at my low point. Fighting is not something we do often but today was one of those days. It has been argued numerous times about the object of lying and wether or not it is helpful in a relationship. Trust me...it's not. For future reference (to he who shall not be named) when you lie to me even over the smallest of things I feel like a tiny speck of dirt on your shoe. What hurts the most is when I try to discuss how I feel with you and you step all over my feelings as if they are the other piece of dirt on your other shoe. My intentions were good and it hurt ot think you would take me as the kind of person who would do that to you without telling you..so why didn't you trust me? Have I not shown you in the past that I can be trusted? I'm still here aren't I? So now we are at a crossroads. The how to trust each other crossroads. (No infidelity was involved). A lot of hurtful things were said and now we are at one of those places where talking does no good.

Second reason as to why I am having a very crappy day

I feel very offended by a certain group of people. I never quite realized how many people were unaware of something I am about to explain... Sophie was NO accident. Jared and I both knew what we were doing and she was planned. I am not a homewrecker and I never forced anyone to have a child with me. Before statements like "You cousin just did the same damn thing..he got his gf knocked up to and now he has to marry her also" are made you should consider the feelings involved. Sit back and consider for second.. "Why would people go out of their way for you when you have never done the same."

So in conclusion:

Today was not a good day. Yet, hopefully, it will get better and soon I will find some piece to this maddnes..

December 3, 2010

Potty Training Attempt #2






Dare I say it??

Yes we are attempting potty training again today with Sophie. We actually started a couple days ago and so far she has peed in it once! WE freaked out (in a good way) and gave her some chocolate. Not that bribery is going to be a way of parenting, but even doctors say it is good in early potty training. So let's hope this continues :)

November 30, 2010

What is Perfect?

I am so excited to finally be Jared's wife. It is a long time coming let me tell you. Since I was a little girl all I wanted was to find my prince charming and get married to him. That is my dream, call it corny if you will. When I first met Jared it felt like a breath of fresh air. I had been dating loser after loser and then he showed up. No one is perfect and I understand that everyone has their problems but that is one of the main reasons Jared and I work so well. We both appreciate each others downfalls and understand the faults as though they were our own.That is what I believe perfect is. I used to be so concerned with having everything perfect but now I understand that my life is what I make it. I don't care if we get married in a shoe box any more I just want to marry him. I look at Sophie and see the most amazing human being ever made and we did that. She brings both of our positives into one combined perfect example of love. I can't wait to be walking down that aisle and looking into the eyes of the man I will be spending the rest of my life with. I can not wait for more perfect examples to be brought into this world.

November 29, 2010

Christmas Presents

So I am at a lose trying to decide what exactly to get Sophie for Christmas. We had decided awhile ago to get her a toddler bed but do not think she is ready yet. She does not try to climb out her crib yet and sleeps very comfortably in it still so I think we will wait till spring to give it a try. So that leaves me wondering what exactly to get her for Christmas. Obviously I can think of a few small things to get her but I don't know about the big present. I have an idea:

November 28, 2010

Christmas Season is Here!

I would have put up a picture of our house with all the Christmas lights up but we have lost our camera!! Anyways...today has been very eventful. We started out going to get a Christmas tree at Walmart but they didn't have any out yet so instead we decided to decorate the outside of our house. There is something about getting ready for Christmas that makes you feel very jolly. We even stopped at Starbucks and it made it tons better. Sophie really enjoyed the Christmas music we had playing. Her dancing is the cutest thing and one of these days I will post a video of it. I hope everyone else out there is enjoying there begining to the Christmas season as well.

Goodnight :)

November 27, 2010

So it snowed in Chehalis....





...........and Sophie LOVED IT

Baby Fever



I apologize that I haven't been on here is awhile and it is due to not knowing exactly what is appropriate to write on here. I read a lot of public blogs where I think.."I can't believe they just said that"! The thing of it is though is that blogs should be like that. They are a way to open up to how we really feel and exactly what IS going on in our life. Well based on my above title I think it is obvious what is going on in my mind...

I want...no NEED another baby. Baby fever has finally set in. Sophie seems to be at the age now where she might find it fun to have a little sister or brother around. I can't stop looking at Sophie's clothes as an infant and wondering what the next little one will look like. I have so much love (and time lol) in my heart that I am ready to share it with another human being. So not to jinx myself or anything but I believe Jared and I will be officially trying...Februrary! We are both ready for the beautiful little miracle to happen a second time!

October 27, 2010

I need a million dollars..STAT

Just kidding about the above line thougha million dollars would be amazing. I am currently sitting on my ass in Jareds sweats and "Rock out with your Cock Out" T-Shirt. I am contemplating life and how awesome it is...........

LOVE IT

October 17, 2010

When I am bothered... I write

Due to the nature of this title it is obvious something is on my mind. Wether or not to post it on a blog than anybody can read is beyond me, but I need to put it somewhere so why not here.

My time and energy has been wasted on stupid thoughts. I always have this huge problem of not being satisfied. I do all these things and leanr different things just to see if my button will read, "satisfied". I wish I could just concentrate on what make sme happy. I ahve found ever since I have become a mother all I concentrate is how to be that perfect mother. I have been acting a certain way in hopes of fullfilling that hope. I remember a couple years back I was completely happy with myself. I had things I loved to do and did not care what people thought of it. I so miss this! why is it that we as a people get so caught up in trying to be something we are not? Last night I made a cake. It was the first time in a long time that I did something I enjoyed. I didn't try to worry about how much fat was in the cake and if it was healthy enough... I just baked. This used to be one of my favorite things and it has been so long since I have done it. I actually sold my easel at a garage sale and thought it would be ok...its not. Sophie will love me for who I am.. not who I want to be. So I am going to try and concentrate on what makes me.. me!

October 11, 2010

Whats my role again..?

I find it hard sometimes. Don't get me wrong.. I absolutly adore my daughter. I just find it hard when I can not recognize what my role is besides a mother. I LOVE being a mother but I also love having that personal satisfaction. I still have goals and dreams just like every other person out there and just because I am a mother doesn't mean I have to stop them. It only means I should include them into every hope and dream. When I concentrate on what I want to accomplish in life it comes down to one important thing. Have Sophie be proud of me. So all of those hopes and dreams are only ways to help accomplish that goal.

October 10, 2010

Fall Is Here!

I love fall so much it has put me in a great mood. I am really looking forward to things to come. 2011 will bring so many happy things for me. I will be getting married, and I will be starting an internship. Plus hopefully I will pass my medical assistant test. So many things I am looking forward to. But:
I need to concentrate on the present! I need to just relax and pay attention to what is going on now! I tend to get a little ahead of myself.

Enjoy the fall!

October 2, 2010

Long Beach 2010


Cabin Fever



I have cabin fever. I feel like my routine is wake up feed baby, forget to feed self, entertain baby,feed baby again, lay baby down for nap, homework, clean house, feed baby and jared, bed. I never leave the house and when I do it is for like a short little stroll around the house. I am gettin so overwhelmed. I never saw myself forgetting who exactly I was...

Jared and I had a talk today and we agree that I need to get out.. by my self. I need to get away from baby,, frommy day to day rituals. So we are going to get a Thorbecks membership. this way I go back to one of MY favorite things. YOGA. It calms and relaxes me.

Here is a list of why I need this:

1.) I am gettin sloppy on my routine

I am starting to feel like a robot and the only way I can stop is by rebelling so I get sloppy.

2.) Depression

I get depressed from being home alone all day. My only person to talk to is an adorable little girl who replies, "No, No", to everything.

The thing is that I love Sophie and Jared very very much but everyone needs a little "Me" time. People forget once they have children that they are still their own seperate being. I feel I will be a better mom if I am happy inside.

Not a robot.. :)

September 29, 2010

Happy As A Clam



Now I know I only work two days a week and I am glad I contribute to the family but I hate leaving Sophie. I get a weird sense of saddness when I go to work. I have always seen myself as a SAHM, and as I get closer and closer to finishing school it is a bittersweet feeling. One of accomplishment, and one of a lose. I will have to become a full-time 40hrs a week mom. Not that I have anything against that life style its just I like mine more. I like seeing EVERY little thing. I dont like the though of daycare either. I didn't have my children just to let someone else raise them. Sophie is currently being watched by my mother for those two hours that overlap Jared and I's scehdule. All I am saying is... I want to better myself but the next time I have a baby I dont want only 3 months before I have to shove them into daycare... what to do??

September 27, 2010

Everything tastes good with gravy



I am having one of those extremely hypochondriac months. I have to get my annual blood work done today since the last time I had it done was 2 years ago. Also I have cavties. Then on the 14th I have to have my annual womens appointment. I hate waiting until the last minute because now I have to do everything at once. I honestly can not wait until all of this is done and I DONT have anything wrong with me.

On a different note...

I am loving this rainy weather and it has strangly inspired me to join a mother daughter class. Something we can do together. It will give us something to do as I feel all we do is sit lazely around the house.

September 20, 2010

Life As We Know It


I am considering a couple changes in my life right now that will most likely benefit me. We have just moved into the new hosue and it is wonderful as always. What is not so wonderful are our finances. We used to have this big hole of debt and in the last couple of years this hoel has slowly closed up. Now thi hole is starting to re-open and I can feel my insides getting weak. It all started after I lost my AMAZING job from providence as a hospice aid. I knew it was onyl temporary but for those last couple weeks I held out my hopes in getting on full-time. Now here I am back at work in a nursing home and HATE IT! How did I get backwards?

So here are the things I am going to change.

My mood:

I can not change what is happening to us right now. I need to accept the fact that things will be tough for the next couple months but eventually we will get a break. I will hopefully be done with school by next summer and hopefully get a WAY better job.

My choices:

I need to stop basing my decisions on how others will percieve me. This is a lose:lose situation. I want to start living my life the way our family intended it. HAPPY.

My Finances:

F*** them.

...

no but really. I can not change the position we are in so I am going to stop redoing my budget every hour to see if there is some hidden loop to achieve more money. It is what it is!

On a happy note...

I love my house

September 9, 2010

pottytraining day 1

Day one of potty training started out succesful and is currently becoming stressful. Sophie peer in the potty within thirty minutes of trying and I started cheering and she started laughing. We walked to the toilet and dumped it out together than I gave her some chocolate. Ever since then she's piddled a couple times on the floor and now she is currently napping so we will see.

August 18, 2010

My Daughter Likes to Fall

So I was reading this article about how if you pretend to wobble as your child does and fall down laughing it will make them feel better about there walking. It is also supposed to boost their self-esteem by letting them know everyone falls down sometimes...

Sophie likes to fall now. It is so cute.. she will run and jump on her behind with an ending.. "Umph"!

Life is so wonderful right now. I am currently working towards my internship in February and Jared is getting ready to go back to school.

August 2, 2010

They call her LOVE

I am so happy right now, and am glad the direction my life is going. Jared and I went from stopping a wedding, to counseling, to being happy, to now getting ready to get married! This time feels right and I am so happy I get to be Mrs. Swehosky soon. February 24th, matter of fact. I hope my wedding is so beautiful, like it is in my dreams!

Also I have decided to train for a marathon by next year. I am starting a 5k this August, which isnt that bad.

SOPHIE IS WALKING FOR REAL!

August 1, 2010

Internet Scams

It's always nice to wake up in the morning and do your online banking only to discover there is an anonymous tune of $34.95 taken out of your account. After doing the detective work I find out it is from a website (much like netflix) that was supposed to have been free. In fact it said... "FREE NOTHING WILL BE TAKEN OUT OF YOUR ACCOUNT"..... I guess since reading that I didn't think it wasa very necessary to worry. WRONG! I guess it is my own damn fault though. That is what you get for falling for it I guess. lol

On a different note. Life in the land of Jessica is going pretty awesome. I like my new job even though it is still nursing home work. The employee's are nice there and the work load isn't so strenuous that you want to die (Like Puget Sound Healthcare).

I still plan-plan-plannin away on this wedding. It is kind of fun. The hardest part is planning our honeymoon. I have so many options....

*Hawaii
*Whistler, Cananda
*Leavenworth
*Disneyland

Which one?

Oh btw: Here is the link to the website you should use

July 25, 2010

Trying to feel new

One thing I always try to keep in mind while being a relationship is keeping that "New" feeling. If we all look back the beginning of the relationship is usually the most beautiful. The courtship is so inspiring and makes you feel so secure with yourself. So every one in awhile I try to take myself back to the day when Jared and I first met. It is actually a pretty cute story:

I was living in Oregon with a roomate at a time and I had met a really good friend named Dawn at my work. I worked at a nursing home caring for the elderly (which I still do). I was looking for love in all the wrong places and starting to feel totally over it. One night I had all my girl friends over to my apartment (including Dawn) and we got a little drunk. We started being really stupid and talking about how much we hate men. My friend Dawn went to the bathroom and I grabbed her phone (keep in mind I was drunk). The girls dared me to dial a random guys number and prank call him. I found Jared's number in her phone (did not know him) and prank called him. Needless, to say he was not to happy about it because the next day I got a text from him saying that he didnt appreciate people prank calling him at 2 in the morning. lol. I apologized and we started texting each other all day. We asked each other about our likes and dislikes. My friend Dawn came over that day and called him to come hang out at our apartment so that we could meet. He came over at 10 pm and we went to the park. He pushed me on the swings and we started the flirting. WE went back home and talked till 4 am. He went to work at the pool at 5 am and immediately came back over after work. (no sleep). He took me to the fair and the rest was history.....

I am just so glad I picked his name from her contact list.... :)

July 24, 2010

Dumb Movies

I am currently with my family pretending I am enjoying a movie they are watching. TRuth be told.. it is dumb. Besides that:

I am in complete love right now. My life is picking up and I am feeling less unhappy and more "Happy". I am planning my wedding (no longer feeling cursed), and enjoying school as well. It makes me happy to know I only have 6 more months of school and then only 6 months of an internship. It has been quite stressful to find an internship though..hope i find one.

Sophie is becoming quite the bright and shining beauty more and more each day. She enjoys the word "NO" and responds every sentence with it.

I hope this is not a dream in which I must be forced to wake...

July 16, 2010

Love at first sight




A Little Slow...

So I am a little slow at getting on here...
Today has been an very irritating day that has only made me angry.
Here is why:

1.) I am upset that my daughter has to stay on formula for 6 more months as I believe her weight is fine and she is simply small.

2.) I hate how life keeps reminding me how I could not breastfeed. It was one of the things I wanted to do the most and due to Sophie's weight and size it was simply not capable. She could not latch and was losing weight FAST! I just wish I would have had a better support system to help me figure out a way to get past the latch issue.

3.) Sophie has switched from cloth to regular diapers and this irritates me. She had been using G Diapers faithfully until I lost my faith in them. They leak like crap after only a couple months use! She is so cloth to potty training I did not see the use (or financial need) to go into another $500 cloth brand. (Bumgenius)

4.) The three things above irritate me because I like things going my way. We are eco-friendly family and had planned ot keep it that way.

5.) Lastly I did not get the pharmacy tech position and have to stay at the crappy nursing home.


Those five things suck.. but on a positive note I made a delicious dinner. Whole grain basmati rice with Aiddells sausages and a fresh salad. I am also trying a detox diet out. It involves drinking lemon juice and flax each morning. I am not doing this to lose weight but to simply release toxins from my body.

6 MORE MONTHS TILL MY INTERNSHIP

6 MORE MONTHS TILL ME WEDDING

All in all life is good.

July 1, 2010

Sophie is almost 1


I am starting the countdown. I rememeber one year ago today how pregnant I was and how much I wanted to go into labor. Now all I wish is that she stay little...

June 30, 2010

Engaged!


Multnomah Falls




Today was such a beautiful day. Jared, Sophie, and I went to Multnomah Falls and hiked a 3 mile trail. I could tell Sophie enjoyed it as she always loves being outside. I was very upset in the beginning of the hike because there was a young boy being harassed by his father. The father was calling his son a fat cow and a slow poke because he could not hike as fast as him. It broke my heart to see this poor, insecure boy be treated as such...
Other than that; life has been pretty amazing for me and my family. I got a "C" in my computers class which was amazing considering I was sure I was going to flunk. I am now in Math and trying to not get math anxiety. lol. ...
Sophie is turning "1" in eight days and it makes me reminsce of when she was born. I will always consider her my little baby even when she is thirty. She is starting to stand by herself which means walking comes next!


June 26, 2010

Another Day...

Today has been like any other day.. normal. It is nice sometimes to have normalcy in your life. It brings a sense of calm and makes you feel as though things are going the right way. In my life I can only hope for a couple things... happiness and family. I believe happiness is the key to most anything you may achieve. Yet finding true happiness can be hard for some. I know I have had my days where I simply can not find the happiness in which I want to achieve. Family is another thing I look forward to. I find happiness in my family so I guess that makes it a double hitter. I sometimes make up lists within my head. These lists are the way I keep myself sain. One such a list I am currently thinking of is a wish list. This list is comprised of things I want but probably only half of the things will actually happen:

1.) Finish Medical Assistant Program
2.) Watch my daughter blossom into an even more wonderful person
3.) Accomplish getting into a diagnostic sonographer program
4.) Become an Ultrasound Tech
5.) Move into our new house
6.) Get married
7.) Have another baby (after school)

June 22, 2010

Orientation :(

Today I endured eight long hours of orientation listening to things I already knew. I realize that may make me sound a little full of myself, but how many times can you hear about proper hand washing? On a good note, I am so happy to be back at work. It is nice to hear words other than crys as much as I love my daughter. It is good to feel useful again and feel like I am contributing to our littel family.

Speaking of which...

Jared and I had a good talk last night. We both discussed marriage and agreed it was not far off but that I was not allowed to know the exact date.. All I can say is we will see..

June 21, 2010

Cursed

So my previous post was all about positive thinking. Today that did not happen. I know I shouldn't exactly post private things on here but I am pretty sure barely any one is following so here goes. I think I am cursed. In fact I am sure of it. Cursed how you ask? My whole life I have only wanted two things. To get married and start a family. Obviously things went a little backwards but now I am ready... and he is not. It hurts so bad because one minute he is ready to get married and the next he is'nt! It is so confusing and heart breaking. It is so hard to walk into my garage and see my beautiful wedding dress just hanging there. All the magic it once held. I rememeber thinking how beautiful it was when I ordered it and all I wanted was to walk down that isle and have Jared see me in it. I am starting to doubt that will ever happen. What is it with some guys? What is so scary about marriage? I honestly, truely love him so much. As most of you know... I was supposed to be married on March 21st, 2010. So it is not like a big secret. I had everything planned. A beautiful winter wedding in Leavenworth, wa. Red roses and floating candles in a cabin set in the woods. GORGEOUS! Three weeks before the wedding.. he isn't ready. I know most of you are thinking (Leave him), but it is much more than that. If you are ready to say I do to someone than you can not just toss them at the throw of a hat. So here I am waiting. Waiting for the day he says he is ready to marry me. Until now.. I am cursed

June 20, 2010

Your Day Is What You Make It

I wrote this blog title not because I am a firm believer of it but that I wish did. I wish I had the patience to make each and every one of my days amazing and worthwhile. I am one of those people who wears everyone's emotions on their sleeves. If someone is feeling sad, I feel sad, etc. I know this is a bad quality. It is an even worse quality with the economy the way it is. It has taken a toll on my spirit and has slowly drug me down into the depths of depression. Yet, I know I am the one responsible for pulling myself out of it. I can make my day how I want it to be. I am the one in charge of my feelings. So, (with that mind) I am going to start practicing what I preach. I think I will make a list of things that bother me and start to make happiness appear out of them:

1.) Fighting with loved ones
2.) Crappy jobs
3.) People who are unkind/unfriendly to me

These three things but the crap out of me on a daily basis. I want to be happy and push these things of my shoulder. I can not change the job I have until I am done with school. I can not change how people feel about me. If they do not want me in their lives than I cna not fight it. Lastly, fighting with loved ones. I hate when everyone is stressed out and starts bickering. I will try to de-stress.

Well lets hope this works..

June 18, 2010

A day in the life of a hypochondriac

For those of you that know me, you know I tend to be a bit of a hypochondriac. I get these tendacies to "Over Worry" about my health. I do not exactly know where this started. It could have started when I was ten and all I wanted to read was my mothers, "A-Z Health Concerns", book. lol I find this ironic that now the profession I am entering into is the medical area. I am currently working towards my medical assisting degree and after that will be working on my Bachelors in Diagnositc sonographer medicine. Is it ok for a hypochondric to be working in the medical area? I have yet decided if this could be a problem for me. The more I leanr about diseases the more diseases I think I have. For example: the other day I thought I had Aids. I didn't think this because I sleep around or use drugs. No, I thought this because I researched severe sore throat. A list of possible diseases popped up and Aids was one of them. It stated.. "Aids symptoms can go unnoticed for years and then suddenly you can feel like you have the flu..". Instead of thinking "Maybe I have the flu", I started hyperventilating thinking I had Aids. I immediately started looking through my records to check and make sure my last blood test didn't say I had aids. (You think I would rememeber if my last blood test came up positive for Aids). I couldn't find my blood results anywhere so I called my mom. I told her I thought I had Aids and she started laughing. She then asked why I thought I had Aids and I explained the sore throat issue. She told me I was being ridiculous as usual and should try a cough drop..... it worked. .....To make a longer story shorted I don't have Aids. I didn't even have the flu, just a sore throat.