February 28, 2011

What a wonderful day...

Today was a beautiful day. I took Sophie to get some amazing photos done by Brenda Schaefer. After that we went home and relaxed with some Sprout. I am feeling so blessed to have such a beautiful daughter in my life. She makes me smile and I can not wait to watch her blossom into a beautiful young woman, but for now I would like to keep her little. Today reminded for some reason of the day she was born. I do not believe I have told this story so I thought I would take some time to write down the birth of Sophie:

SOPHIE'S BIRTH

On July 7th 2009 I remember it was very hot. I felt huge and gross. I woke up and read my daily book, "What to expect when expecting". I googled all the different ways to induce Labor and thought I would give some a try. I tried jumping up and down on the bed. I tried squatting for several seconds. I tried eating spicy foods..nothing. I bothered Jared to entertain me so that I could keep from thinking about Sophie's arrival. We decided to go to Olympia for the day and have one last parents night out before Sophie had arrived. We walked around the mall and went to the Olive Garden. On our way home I asked Jared to stop at Walamrt so that we could buy House Season 2. (Big Fans). We got home and jumped into some pajamas and started watching house. I immediately fell asleep and remember feeling so groggy. An hour later I woke up and looked over at the clock. It was exactly 12:00am on July 8th, 2009. I felt like my buttcrack was sweaty lol and figured it was from the heat. As I sat up I felt a huge gush of water. I started pushing Jared and saying loudly..."JARED JARED I THINK MY WATER BROKE". Jared immediately stood up and started saying he felt dizzy and needed to sit down. We telled for my mom and everyone started getting very busy. I was so nervous and upset that everytime I stood up water kept rushing out of me. I arrived at the hospital with my pants wet no matter how hard I tried to keep dry. They rushed us in and said they needed to do a test first to see if my water REALLY broke. We all laughed because it was really obvious I had broke my water. After that they hooked me up to be ready for the delivery. When they first checked me I was only 1 cm which meant I had a long way to go. I started getting nervous and my legs couldn't stop shaking. My Aunt Jami and Grandma had arrived and we were all sitting in the room trying to think how to pass the time. I still didn't believe it was real. Hours kept going by and I was still only 1 cm. At about 9:30am I asked for my epidural and it imediately calmed me down, I also was still only at a 1. Jared had passed out from watching the epidural and had ripped out my IV by accident. It was a bit humerous...I fell asleep. I woke up at about 10:30 to be checked again and the doctor was saying something about a C-section because I wasn't progressing. As he checked me his face dropped..."Your at a 9"! In one hour I had gone from a 1 to a 9. He started to explain what it felt like to push and to call me when it was time. About the moment he left I felt the urge to push. No one believed me but went ahead and checked me again..I was at a 10 and ready to push. After 5 minutes of pushing my beautiful Sophie Ann arrived....all 5lbs 13oz of her. It was 11:05am.

February 11, 2011

Anxiety Session #1

Anxiety is something that affects me and another million Americans today. I have decided to do something about it instead of being scared all the time. I am not embarrased to talk about it as it is quite normal and on top of it I have decided to start writing about my journey to overcome anxiety. I am seeing a professional counselor who deals directly with anxiety and has said it can be cured in about six sessions. I will chart each of these sessions and exactly how I am feeling.

A lot of people get anxiety and it is usually over something small or big like a spider or huge buildings. It can be over going in public places or being home alone. My personal triggers are dying and Claustraphobia. I get anxiety thinking of going somewhere where other people are and it is crowded. My heart starts racing and I feel that anxiety settling in. Another problem I have is worrying that something is wrong with me. I worry about dying and leaving Sophie and Jared all alone. For some of you, you might think this is crazy..for others you might understand.

So at my first session I learned a couple things about anxiety.

1.) Anxiety stems from right brain people.
* There are two types of people: right and left brained people. Left brain people are the type that are usually very smart and cut right to the chase. they tend to not look into things and state the obvious. Right brained people are usually more creative and more sensitive. Right brain people usually get anxiety because they read into everything.

2.) We as Americans know too much!
* Thanks to the internet and television we as American know too much. How many of you out there watch shows like Greys Anatomy, House, or C.S.I.? I sure do. Well thanks to shows like that which depict rare medical horror's, and unlikely ways of dying Americans (right-brain) tend to start believing that is the norm.

3.) Though has NO power!!!
* This was the most important thing I learned. A lot of times people with anxiety get so scared from the thoughts that race through their head. If you have been dwelling on a speech you have to deliver all day than when it comes time for the speech your terrified. This is due to us as humans giving thought power. For Example: Guns don't kill people..people kill people.

4.) Anxiety can not harm you!
* Like me, a lot of people who have anxiety become scared of anxiety itself. With your heart racing you begin to think you can cause yourself a heart attack or something. Not true! It is a known fact that adrenaline (hormone which causes anxious reactions) can only last 9 minutes. So physically you can only have a severe anxiety attack for 9 minutes.

So am I cured..nope. Though I hope at the end of this journey I am. I look forward to no longer being scared of anxiety. For those of you out there who have a similar scenario know it is ok to admit it. It is ok to work past it. Anxiety is completely cureable.

Why does UPS...

...not leave your packages if your not home?

If I wanted to go pick something up I wouldn't have ordered it online. ARGHH

February 10, 2011

What A Wonderful World

Have I mentioned I love Louis Armstrong?

Anyways, today is kind of low key, not much going on. I plan to get my wedding dress in today so they can make a bustle for it and steam it before the wedding. Thats really about it. Sophie is still in her jammy's as she spent the night at Nana's last night. Jared took me to go see, "No Strings Attached" last night and it was very funny. I would definitely recommend it. It was nice to get out for a change and not be couped in the house all day, but I know a mothers job is the best job out there. Speaking of which Sophie has been really acceling lately. She is almost completely potty-trained and she is saying sentences as well. Also, Jared and I put her in a big girl bed last week and it was a little traumatizing....for us. We can not believe how big our baby has gotten already. It seems like just yesterday we were still swaddling her. In about 5 months she is going to be 2 and though I am sad I am also excited to see her grow up. I am so happy with my little family and can't believe we are actually going to make a huge commitment to each other in about a week. We have come so far and I can honestly say I am marrying my best friend. :)

February 6, 2011

Superbowl

..is killing me right now. I pretty much watch it for halftime and halftime was soo stupid. I am so dissapointed I want to write hatemail to Fergie. Plus, GB is ahead and will probably win.

FAIL

On another note..Sophie is officially sleeping in a big girl bed and pees everytime into the toilet. Pooping is another thing..its been a bit more difficult. I am getting excited for Jared and I's honeymoon and wedding. I jsut hope it goes well and everyone gets along as I have a little anxiety over it.

February 5, 2011

Almost Time For Real

I can't believe it's almost time for real. I am really going to be Jared's wife soon. It is so exciting to know our little family will be complete soon and I did get my fairy tale ending. Our little family is having so much fun lately. We have been working on completing our house design inside. We have been redoing room by room. I think this summer we are going to paint our master bedroom right after the master bathroom is made. My internship got put on hold a little bit due to miscalculations on my college's part. I am also excited about the future as we may be trying for another baby.

February 1, 2011

I give up...

...I am physically and emotionally drained. I am so tired of everyones mean and nasty comments and accept defeat. As I approach my wedding I should be nothing but happy but truthfully I am filled with sadness and dissapointment. It is crazy how trusting a person can be only to find so many people either saying hurtful things to or behind my back. It is so hard trying to make everyone happy for this wedding and I forgot about myself. I am so caught up with being everyones hero that I have cracked. I cant do everything. As the saying goes, "'I only have two hands". I just want to concentrate on myself but I am in so many places at once. I can not make everyone happy and have realized I am only going to start surrounding myself with people who love me. I deserve happiness and peace of mind and it would be nice if for once I could have that. My stress is so high and can barely remember to eat. I am scared to even get on Facebook for fear somone has something they need to say to make themselves feel better. I am sorry I can't afford for a million people to be at my wedding. I do not care if you want to be nasty and say you are not coming to my wedding for me. Go tell it to someone who cares... I am sorry I dont want to make my wedding in Oregon so that everyone but my family and myself can be convienenced. I am pissed I gave in to a wedding instead of Whistler when after all is said and done none of the people that were Bitched for are even coming? Most of all if I hear one more person act like I treat Jared anything other than loving I am liable to freak out on them. Until you see my life everyday quit acting like you live it. Just please people e get out of my life and get your own!!