October 17, 2010

When I am bothered... I write

Due to the nature of this title it is obvious something is on my mind. Wether or not to post it on a blog than anybody can read is beyond me, but I need to put it somewhere so why not here.

My time and energy has been wasted on stupid thoughts. I always have this huge problem of not being satisfied. I do all these things and leanr different things just to see if my button will read, "satisfied". I wish I could just concentrate on what make sme happy. I ahve found ever since I have become a mother all I concentrate is how to be that perfect mother. I have been acting a certain way in hopes of fullfilling that hope. I remember a couple years back I was completely happy with myself. I had things I loved to do and did not care what people thought of it. I so miss this! why is it that we as a people get so caught up in trying to be something we are not? Last night I made a cake. It was the first time in a long time that I did something I enjoyed. I didn't try to worry about how much fat was in the cake and if it was healthy enough... I just baked. This used to be one of my favorite things and it has been so long since I have done it. I actually sold my easel at a garage sale and thought it would be ok...its not. Sophie will love me for who I am.. not who I want to be. So I am going to try and concentrate on what makes me.. me!

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