March 21, 2016

A day in the life of...a parent of three

See that face? Yeah that's the luck of disgust over the fact that I dared to give her an egg salad sandwich. 

Yesterday, I whined to my husband about my life and why I am where I am. After spending the entire Sunday attempting to watch one (yes ONE) movie, I asked myself WHY..why even attempt this movie? Than with a forceful "challenge accepted" I spent 20 minutes watching it..and 2 hours in between each 20 minute spurt being a parent. Right as I would sit down to re-play it, I would be met with things like, "Don't worry mom I've picked out a great outfit for Freya to wear tomorrow" from like 10 pm at night. I'm not worried kid! I could care less if she wore the pajamas she is currently sleeping in if you JUST let me finish this movie! Why! Why is it so hard when we become parents to watch things on the T.V? Is there a secret club our children go to, to discuss ways to make us pull our hair out? This is how a following day, the previous week had gone. 

I wake up. Instead of being greeted by the sounds of cheerful birds, I am greeted by the screaming of 3 tiny terrors down below. "Violeeetttt I said I was going to sit there later"!!! While the two older fight, I hear the baby screaming at Daddy because he is trying to get ready for work. That's my cue. I know he is probably down there feeling how I do about 6 hours into the day. I rush downstairs and am seriously half awake. I have never been a morning person and never will. People tell me time after time, you have kids you get used to waking early. I just don't. I try to scramble my body to the kitchen to throw something, anything down my throat, so that I can boost my blood sugar and maybe become a cognitive member of society. I make it maybe 5 steps and I am approached by Sophie violently crying, "Mom Violet totally knew I was going to sit there". I look over at Violet who is beaming wildly while sitting in a spot on our massive couch. Happy she got her sisters goat. This is probably where I should interject and be a parent, but I keep walking to the kitchen. I feel like a warrior muffling out the sounds of gunshots, while I try to grab a cracker..something. Jared is in the bathroom frantically trying to get ready while the toddler scratches at his legs. I pull her off of him and throw her in the highchair with some sort of food to gain 5 minutes of freedom. 

Maybe 15 minutes later, Jared has left and dropped Sophie off at school. I have attempted to find some maybe clean clothes, and pair it with a fancy coat to pretend I have my shit together. It's pissing rain outside, so I put on the girls rain boots and raincoats. Oh did you think it was that easy? First, Violet purposefully puts them on the wrong feet, while Freya takes her off 6 times after I put them on. I contemplate sending Violet to school with no shoes and letting them walk barefoot in the rain, but get some sanity together and walk outside to the car. This is the part where the toddler goes apeshit. As we walk to the car in the pissing rain, she decides...maybe I want to sit in a puddle? I quickly grab her and continue walking while she is flailing in my arms and pulling my hair. "Puddllleeeeeee" she screams as I buckle her in. I look down and realize I am 5 minutes late. I give myself a high five because that's pretty damn awesome only being 5 minutes late! 

We drop sister off at preschool and barely make back into the door, when toddler screams, "DanieLLL". I have no issue giving in and plop Daniel Tiger onto the T.V. I sit. I enjoy sitting. Toddler does too. Right on my face. I move her over to sit on my lap and am met with an elbow jab in the eye. I being to feel like we are in a wrestling tournament and I am losing. She can't just watch Daniel Tiger quietly, she needs to practice her acrobatics for the upcoming Olympics. 

Blee Bloop 2ish so hours later, we pick Violet back up from preschool, and when I walk in the door I am met with demands of what they all would like for lunch. I feel like I am suddenly a 4 star chef and everyone expects that I cook the best of the best. I whip up some homemade egg salad sandwiches with fresh blueberries and carrot sticks. Violet loves it! Score! Toddler looks at me and dumps her entire plate on the floor, "No". I am pretty sure a piece of me dies in that moment. It's a battle of whits and I am always losing. I go back and make a quick almond butter sandwich and as I hand it to her she exclaims, "thank you mommy". I feel weird accepting that.

Aww nap time. The time parents sleep. Or read. Or Facebook. We never really clean. Why would you do that? Yet no, instead I have homework because stupidly I thought I could finish my degree with 3 children! I begin to sit down reading about amino acids, when I hear loudly from Violet's room, "Let it GOOOO". I try to let it go. I tell myself I am better than this. "Daddy finger, Daddy finger, where are youooooo". Eventually she will fall asleep I tell myself. "Sugar, YES PLEASE". I know we shouldn't stifle their imagination but damnit I did and told her it was nap time and to quiet down. Maybe I said that for my own benefit? It didn't help. Instead she decided to loudly play at her Elsa ice castle. Eventually she fell asleep with her crown on under the bed, but whatever. By the time SHE had fallen asleep tiny terror toddler wakes up. I here her in there sweetly singing, and for a minute I am reminded why I love my children. I go gather her a snack and creep upstairs to meet those sweet toddler smiles. As I approach mid stairs I smell something god awful. It's obviously not egg salad since she loudly declared that was a no. I creep to the door and hear, "Oh no". As I open the door I see she has ripped her diaper off because it was too gross after pooping in it, and proceeded to use her entire bed sheet as toilet paper. and the walls. Now this is not something I am proud of, but I cried. I had ALMOST finished my paper on amino acids and I knew it would need to wait. As I pick her up under the armpits to hose her down in the tub, I see Violet wide awake 15 minutes later. 
While hosing off shitty toddler I begin to laugh and Im unsure if its because I've calmed down or if I really truly have lost my mind. I declare both. 

Kids begin playing together for a little bit while every so often one cries or declares the other is toy thief. I half heartedly interject while realizing I am starving. Now, every parent knows you don't eat in front of your kids, if they aren't eating. It is like a cardinal rule. Unless it's salad. Than you are good. I go hide in bathroom and eat a quick egg salad sandwich. Violet stands outside the bathroom yelling, "MOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING". This is my lunch break. 

Older sister comes homes, and I throw older sister and Violet in the backyard. "There go be kids"! I declare. I sit on the couch and I'm not even half kidding, Violet comes inside "I'm done outside". I exclaim they should try to play for a little bit more. Suddenly I hear screams from outside and I race out there to see them huddling together dramatically. I ask what is wrong and Sophie gets out, "We wanna come inside we saw a bug". In this moment I ask myself why I can't have kids that like and need to be dirty. Don't all kids love dirt? Isn't this one of THEIR cardinal rules? 

 At this point I am checking the minutes for Jared to walk into that door so I can go..somewhere quiet! My day gets progressively better when daddy is home and eventually we lay the little heathens down and collapse on the couch. This isn't even one of the worst days. We look at each other with those eyes that say, "I'm so tired I cant even physically say the words". We slowly push each other upstairs to lay down and go to bed. This is the part where I say something corny about how we tucked the kids in and thought how worth it it all was. There really is something about sleeping kids that makes you forget for 5 minutes how terrible they really can be when they are awake haha

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